Well champs, I ran across some wild writing I did on June 14th that I never quite shared. It has actually been chilling in my queue for the past two months. It’s kind of crazy because I remember the exact moment I wrote these. I was sitting in Coffee N’ Oven in Bali writing like a mad woman because I had an array of emotions coursing through my veins. For anyone who is unfamiliar with wild writing, it is a writing exercise used to get the creative juices flowing. I basically pick a quote, lyric or line of poetry and give myself five minutes to respond. I do not revise of edit any of the paragraphs (the errors in spelling/grammar/sentence structure/punctuation drive me crazy too). Everything you see below is word vomited in the heat of the moment. So let's get to sharing, shall we?
Well, I am currently alone with myself. I am in a new city, hell a new country with only a few individuals who know of my existence on this planet. I honestly don't hate it though. I have been given an opportunity to truly to get to know myself. To face the shit I have been running away from because it is so much easier to ignore a situation than to face it head on. I like the company I keep in my empty moments, because in the empty moments I am myself. Except for the occasional times where my mind decides to go zero to one hundred and I have to tell my dramatic ass to sit back down, haha. Yet that is just a part of life. As humans we are imperfect. We cannot be expected to have our shit together all of the time, so yeah there are times in my empty moments where I need to fall apart because life is hard. And yeah there are also times when I am alone and I am the happiest I have been all week. Each time is different because each day is different. Life is a series of events, whether it is predetermined or we are just kind of rolling with the punches; each day is different and every day you are growing and blossoming into this bad ass version of yourself. Or at least that is what I am rooting for. I can be alone with myself because I have had practice, because as an introvert that is when I recharge. Yet there are weeks when I cannot stand to be alone with myself and my empty moments, and that usually occurs when I am homesick. Homesickness is a bitch and it creates this intense feeling of loneliness that is next level shit dudes.
It is because I have decided to take a break from reality, because I seek an escape from everything around me and wish to be alone with my thoughts and the world I created within my own head. If you ever search for me and I’m nowhere to be found it is because I cannot be around humanity for my heart is too heavy or my mind is too bogged up with details. If you search for me and I’m nowhere to be found, maybe I am waiting to see who will not give up on me. There is a slight chance that I am broken and fitting the pieces back together or maybe I am just having some quality one on one me time because I love it. Whatever the reason, continue to trek and search because chances are you will soon discover the reason. If you ever search for me and I’m nowhere to be found, maybe… I don’t know where I am going with this anymore. I just know that occasionally individuals need to retreat, to charge up and regather their thoughts before continuing on. I know that life can treat you like shit sometimes, but it WILL get better so you must keep on keeping on. Be gentle, for I will not always be strong and ready to face the world. Occasionally I just need a little TLC, sometimes I just need a lot of TLC. Every day is different and I am unaware of which day it will be until I arise in the morning. Then again, if you search for me and I am nowhere to be found, maybe just maybe, I am spreading love in another part of my community or the world. Who is to say? The possibilities are quite endless!
I have always been an overly optimistic soul with a crazy big heart (thank you mom! seriously). With a big heart comes an excess amount of compassion, which does not always work in my favor. If anything, I have been told it is my downfall. Yet, I do not let that get to me. I view my big heart as a strength and never a weakness. I am easily fascinated with individuals, the way their minds tick and the reasons behind their actions. I want to know what you love and why you love it. I want to know what motivates you and what pushes you to greatness. I want to know what your biggest fears are and the last reason your heart shattered. I want to see the bright and bubbly aspects of your soul, as well as the dark and twisty. With my overly compassionate heart, I promise to love you unconditionally throughout it all because growing up is tough and complicated. There are all kinds of crazy obstacles and learning curves. So yeah, I will love the crap out of you even when you do not love me in return. I will love the crap out of you when you do not love yourself . I have always had an open door policy for my life. I do not walk away from individuals or scare easily because I get it, you're going through shit right now and it's spewing from you in a not so great way. And you know what? That is totally okay, because we all have those moments. So yeah, I have my arms wide open champs.
Part II: I love the crap out of a lot of things so prep yourself for a rant, ha. I love the ocean and it's majestic goodness. I love the sound of the waves rushing to the shore and the feeling of the sand squishing between my toes. I love watching palm trees sway to the breeze and the way clouds float effortlessly throughout the sky. I love city skylines at night; with pitch black consuming the sky and the lights of the buildings bring it back to life. I love watching people speak about their passions and what gets them out of bed morning. I love watching people in their element because you can read the passion in their facial expressions. I love exploring. I love driving up to a random destination and uncovering everything it has to offer. I love the sound of laughter and big ear to ear grins.
The only downfall to wild writing is you often end on an incomplete thought and wish to write longer. I was stubborn with that last quote though and decided to answer it twice, hence the two paragraphs. Additionally, sometimes I don't realize how cheesy or over dramatic/intense I am until I read something. Yet that is all a part of the process, right? Wild writing serves as more than just a writing exercise champs; it is a way to vent whatever is currently stuck within you so you can chug past it. I don’t know, part of me wants to make wild writing a weekly or bi weekly post. What do you think?