To A Year of Adventure!
Good evening champs! It’s been a minute since my last blog post and I have already failed in what I sought out to do. The blog posts will be coming more frequently as the year begins to pick up and my adventures greet me. The next adventures are a road trip to Seattle and a week in Thailand, both of which will take place next month. To say I am stoked would be quite the understatement because my travel bug is finally winning.
Outside of the extravagant trips, I am taking day trips to different areas in southern California that continually take my breath away. I have visited the Kelso Dunes, Elmer’s Bottle Tree Ranch, the Santa Monica Mountains, El Matador (which just happens to be my favorite beach within reach) and Joshua Tree!
Most importantly, I continue to write every day.
I have written a handful of articles for B U N C H magazine and will spend the next month or so with my nose in books and my hands to the keys as I reach out to more publications. My big goal for this year is to make writing my main hustle and I refuse to accept no as an answer (even though I have had a slow start). And yes, I 100% accept the harsh realities of becoming a full-time writer. It’s a hard way to make a living, but it is not impossible kids. Let’s just say my heart is in it and you cannot take away one’s passion and drive.
When I am not writing for BUNCH, I am constantly partaking in wild writing. If you’re unfamiliar with the concept, it is a writing exercise often used to get the creative juices flowing. I usually play some mellow tunes, set the timer for five minutes and let the words flow. Now, since it is a timed activity, there are a handful of errors from spelling to grammar. It takes everything in my being to not edit as I write or revise upon completion.
With all that being said, I would like to share a few with you all. For the past week or so I went back and forth with the idea as the content you are about to read is raw, filter free and from the heart (yeah, I went there).
anyone that knows me can attest to the fact that I am a hopeless romantic, the master of cheese and the girl who most definitely wears her heart on her sleeve and is constantly spewing quotes and talking love; I have the essence of a hallmark card if you will, ha. I've been told by ex-lovers (yes, I am using the word lovers) that when I love, I love deep, wholeheartedly to the point that it creates this sense of home and if that isn’t a compliment, I don’t know what is. even my friends agree to the fact because they are the ones who see the infinite smiles, the giddy laughter and just how much our faces illuminate when the other walks into the room. fuck. haha. to love and to be loved is an inexplicable feeling, but a feeling nonetheless that is worth all the risk. yeah, it is even worth the earth shattering heartache that can follow.
so to the next person I fall in love with, I look forward to the adventure, the laughter, and ear to ear grins. I look forward to the inspiration and creativity and us pushing one another to greatness. I look forward to the companionship, the shoulder to lean on and the infinite amount of love. Because I am not looking to relive my last relationship, I am looking for something greater.
well, here it goes - I have, for as long as I can remember, been the type of person to avoid confrontation of any sorts; maybe it was because I was also a massive people pleaser and was constantly shaping myself into the person each person wanted me to be. fuck, I think of all the time I spent exhausting myself for individuals who may or may not have been worth the effort. but that’s not why I am writing this, the quote above was a hard pill to swallow. something I always knew deep down in my intuitive gut but did my very best to avoid. I don’t know, I think of all the nonsense I could have saved myself from if I just stuck to my gut and raised my voice; if I just would have known then what I do now - that my feelings are valid always. the words I say deserve to take up space and my voice deserves to be heard. fuck, I was damaged for so long and after all this time I am finally coming out of it. I can’t even begin to describe the feeling, but it’s exhilarating and makes my heart flutter a little.
big life lesson - you do not need anyone who does not value you, respect you or allow you to speak your peace. your big heart is no longer an excuse for mistreatment.
but seriously…if you hadn’t walked into my life when you did I would not be sitting where I am right now, would I? because that is how life works right? one small moment, one person, one little fucking thing can alter the course of your life. like whaaaaaaaat? I can’t even begin to imagine my life if I hadn’t met you because quite frankly I do not wish to. you and I were not always great and if I am honest with myself, I should have left way before I did but I loved you with a love so fierce I never thought I would stop. and you, you were…words cannot begin to describe how I felt about you. all the poems combined do not properly convey the affection and gratitude I felt towards you. we do not speak to one another as often as we used to but that is okay because our story has run its course. I will forever have a tender spot for you in heart kid because you got me to the place that I needed to be and now I am out here living my life, chasing my dream…and I am finally happy.
Well, I just did that! Keep on keepin' on champs!