Take A Step on the Soft Side
Good evening ladies and gents. It's been a wicked sweet couple of days and the weather has been a real beaut. I spent the morning hiking with Dauphine and the afternoon working from home with the sun shining through my window. I also pit stopped at the grocery store with Paco, which was nice because I was running low on just about everything. After the store, we made lunch from our garden. Livin' that fresh life. We hope to be living off the land for produce by this time next year.
On a different maybe more exciting note, I have made the executive decision that Monday will be my day for blogging...now let's just hope I can follow through. I have a tendency to get wrapped into other parts of my life and neglect this sweet baby sometimes.
Let's stop prolonging the fun, shall we? Time to take a walk into the corners of my mind with a bit of wild writing.
A friend sent me the quote above last week and my initial reaction was, "well shit...okay....that’s easier said than done.”
You see, I have never been great at protecting my heart, rather I allow it the freedom to gallivant all over this city, to cities around the country and sometimes even the world. I allow it the opportunity to take great leaps...sometimes without a safety net or a parachute for backup. I allow it the opportunity to be bruised, broken and beat down because I believe through each experience my heart is stronger. And through each experience, it omits love as if it has never been broken before.
Yet, sometimes it grows heavy within my chest and refuses to leave; sometimes it cannot find the effort to pick itself up and beat vivaciously with life.
All is well though because that is perfectly okay. Things do not have to be “fine” all of the time. I, just like everyone around me, am allowed to feel overwhelmed and broken and confused and flustered and annoyed and whatever other emotion you can think of.
Honestly, I think I have just reached the point where I am tired of acting as if everything is okay all of the time…and no, I am not on the verge of a giant breakdown or prepping streamers for a pity party. Rather I am giving myself permission to be expressive and authentic, but most importantly I am giving myself permission to ask for help and to speak my mind freely, which is something I hardly do and struggle with greatly.
I truly and honestly have a marvelous life. I am living in a city I have always wanted to live in with two main jobs I chose and I have a roof over my head. I have two loving and sweet parents who would help if I simply asked, and a support system that rocks my world constantly. I have a kind, passionate adventurer of a lover (yes I said lover even though he is very much more than that).
Yet through all of that, I am hustling my ass off with multiple gigs to make something of myself in a city that is still foreign to me and I am pursuing a passion I never thought I could until last year. So there will be moments where I feel overwhelmed, moments where I am easily irritated and stressed to my wits. I cannot always be the chipper woman with good vibes and good times, even though that is the person you will get 9 times out of 10.
Only a select few get to see the bits and pieces I am often ashamed to show the world. I wouldn’t say it’s a privilege, rather it shows that I am comfortable enough with you to show parts of my soul only a handful of individuals do.
Keep on keepin' on champs!