I would like to get real with you folks because I like you all. My decision to move to California was impulsive; I mean just read the blog post from July eleventh for more details if you don’t believe me. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the thrill of impulse living. If anything I thrive off it, but there are definitely some low moments that go unsaid. So here I go, just sharing some of my not so bright and bubbly aspects of moving to brand new city.
Let's backtrack to the beginning, shall we?
The decision itself was impulsive because it had to be; because had I waited, I would have EASILY talked myself out of it. Moving away from Georgia was basically waving goodbye to everything I had ever known and built comfort with; my heart is pretty scattered across its northern cities. When the moment came to finally say “see ya in a while crocodile” my heart became heavy and my eyes began to swell. I literally had a mini farewell tour where I dedicated time to everyone I loved over the course of twelve days. Did I cry? You bet your sweet ass I did! I remember at my farewell dinner, I could not even begin to express my gratitude for my homies before the tears took over. Then it turned into this awkward laugh/cry where everyone just hugged me and said aw while I tried to pull myself together.
Fun fact: I am the worst with goodbyes. It has to be short and sweet, no lingering hug or rambles of love before I go. I will literally run up to you, hug you and yell “I love you” as I run away in the other direction. Anyone who has done an airport drop off with me can verify, haha. If it makes you feel better though, the moment we are out of reach, the tears roll.
On with the story though, the journey to Los Angeles was one hell of an adventure and I will be frank, the homesickness hit me late and all at once. I was a blubbering mess of tears and peach bellinis one random night in March when it decided to explode out of me like water from a whale’s blowhole. I am still partially mortified from the events of said night, but it taught me an important lesson. It is okay to not be okay. I don’t have to suppress the emotions because this shit ain't easy. I think I was the only person who thought I was supposed to handle the situation super-duper well and with ease. Nah girl, you’re basically alone in a new city with not much to go on. You can be scared and sad at times; it is totally groovy. You just can’t let it dictate your life. So, to combat it, I began saying yes to just about everything to come my way. I decided I would experience as much of this city as I could and force myself to come out of my comfort bubble. It was probably the best decision I have ever made. I continue to use this mentality to every damn day in case you were wondering and it is working swell.
For the two months I was away in Bali, the homesickness rarely hit. I was so entranced by the beauty and adventure involved with temporarily living in another county, I rarely had time to sit alone with my thoughts. Yet, the homesickness hit me the like a ton of bricks upon my arrival back into the country. I remember feeling so needy it was silly; all I wanted was to be in the comfort of those near and dear. To be hugged and spooned for days if I am one hundred percent real with you.
Thank GOD for the little cushion I had for upon my arrival in Los Angeles. I am beyond blessed to have a little taste of home with my best friend, Bryce. Fun fact: Bryce and I have been homies for the past 7 years and he moved out to California eight months prior to me. He is one of my favorite people and someone who has always had my back. I spent many of nights crashing at his apartment, eating brownies and just doing us. I am seriously eternally grateful for you kid (and Antonio), you have no idea. On top of my piece of home, I have this super rad support system right in Los Angeles. Thank you Paco, Jenn, Emma, Meg, Leah & Chris for always being there when I need it. You guys provide a shit ton of laughter, love and adventure and for that I am grateful. You all are the reason I am kickin' it with a smile on this sunny side of L.A.
Other fun shit to happen are as follows: I had my heart unbelievably smashed, found a dream job and then had to walk away from said dream job, and went through a month of fun-employment (most of which was incredibly rad and totally necessary). However, not having a source of income in one of the most expensive cities in the country is EXTREMELY stressful and raised a little bit of anxiety. Outside of monetary reasons, the biggest obstacle is the intense feeling of loneliness. I am aware it is just a part of the process and will diminish with time; it just kind of knocks you on your ass a little at first.
Now I would like to bring this party up a few notches. I am officially employed now and things appear to be on the upswing. I have a plan to land on my own two feet and gain more independence, don't you worry child. It is all just a process. Furthermore, I am grateful every day to be given the opportunities that I have been given, to be where I am and to have such a vast amount of love and support in my corner. I literally do not know where I would be if I had to go at life alone. So yeah, thank you to everyone that constantly boosts me up and supports my crazy impulsive and outlandish ventures. You guys are the real MVPs.
Lastly, I wouldn’t trade my experiences over the past five months for anything in the world. I am grateful for every moment, positive or negative, because it has forced me to grow and to learn. I can confidentially say that I feel more like myself now than I ever have before. I am unapologetically myself every day and embracing it with both arms. I am continuously chasing my dreams and living with my doe eyes of curiosity. It is SO important to actively seek what gets your heart racing and that smile to rise champs, because life is too short to do anything else. It's cliche and most definitely easier said than done, but it will undoubtedly be worth everything. So let's go!
If that is not enough to inspire, I will leave you with a quote because Maya Angelou said it best.